Drunk Review: Square-Boy

I went to my local, The Only Cafe, hoping to land the triple quad like Elvis Stojko and ended up doing a triple tripel like Patrick Chan on a bad day. (Piraat, St. Martin, and St-Feullien + a few others). Before I get into the review of Square-Boy that sits almost opposite at 875 Danforth, I just want to mention how awesome Hopfenstark brewery is. It is awesome, that is all.

So, after the aforementioned trips, we tripped on over to Square Boy to take a peek. It is a standard family style greek restaurant with gyros and chips and homemade hamburgers. Don't make the mistake of getting anything not labeled homemade. The square in the square boy refers to the shape of the burger, square. In order to ram in the point in a "it goes to eleven" type of way, their motto refers to the fact that you get four bites more. Now, four bites more of crap is just four more shitty bites. Maybe it is my inebriation or my bonhomie at being let loose on a Wednesday night but the Homemade banquet burger with fries and gravy tasted really good. I ate it with all the fixings and the flavour of the pickles cut through my last saison of the night. There was a great char on the burger with a soft grayness of patty that suggested that this was not just a beef burger. Frankly, I could not care what this meat was because it was delicious. Hey, you can also order another round while you are waiting for your order to come up. How cool is that? Keep your buzz on while waiting for your food. THAT is freakin' genius.

My partner in crime cringed a little at the bun wishing that it was a little better but I am not sure that I would have it any other way. \It fit what I expected from this type of place. The toppings were no more or less what is expected. There are sharp raw onions, vinegary pickles, mustard, ketchup and stuff that evaded my discombobulated vision. It freaking tasted awesome to the alcohol addled taste buds. This is the type of food that drunks love. Soft, easy to eat with just enough acid and salt to cut through the previous hours inebriant. As some would say, this is some next level shit.

I am not sure how this would taste sober and frankly, I am not sure I care. There are some food that is meant to be consumed while the time is right and this is it. In the words of the sloppy drunk, I love you guys.