Sunday, September 1, 2013

Drunk Review: Pizza Pizza Pizza, Hawaiian

An apology and a warning, maybe two warnings. I wrote this post drunk and may have  inadvertently made some comparisons that read like sexual assault. So, two warnings: may cause triggers and don't write drunk.

So, I blame this missive squarely upon the shoulders of The Only Cafe and Lindsay at Sauce on the Danforth. The former provided me with a curated flight, curated by me, of upper shelf beers that are beyond approach and a soupcon of excellence of a Brouwerij de Moulen, Bombs and Grenadine. The latter aside from the Toronto cocktail riffed most excellently on the Last Word and the Lumiere using Chambord, both chartreuse cocktails. Tbanks Lindsay.

I walked the block to Subway and ordered something and still felt hungry. I stopped at the Pizza Pizza joint and ordered my kids' favourite pie slice, the Hawaiian. Basically, it is ham and bacon on a pizza and not much else.

The whole thing tasted of crunch and that is not a taste. It consisted of the kind of sound that could drown out an ipod mini. Reminded me a bit of the classic Crunch commercial of the nineties. There was the slight saltiness of baconness and the occasional juiciness of the pineapple. My upper palate is slightly abraded while the the lower piece of the tongue feels assaulted. I'm left with the taste of moreness but not in a good way. As is in, I wish I got moreness for the money spent.

Look, in general, I don't hate this franchise but in what it offers the drunk person, I cannot forgive. I wish that I hadn't ordered that pizza because I feel that tomorrow morning I will be left with dry mouth and soreness and wonder if I had been involved in some horrible orgy that I may not have given consent to. Not a good feeling. I feel like I need another drink to clear the salt taste and memory from this episode. Look, I'm a happy-go-lucky drunk but feel as if I have been just assaulted.  Don't do this drunk. Fine if you're sober and know what you are getting into but don't do this under the influence of drink, pot or any other drug. Just say no. Pizza Pizza on Urbanspoon

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